From the March 2009 Idaho Observer:

Investment firms guarantee bonus returns from new risk management policy

CEOs of the most respected U.S. financial institutions are selling Americans a new investment policy. This policy has an absolutely certain guaranteed return for every dollar shrewd people like you invest. No losses are possible.

JP Morgan Chase, Wells Fargo, Citigroup, Bank of America, Goldman Sachs, Merrill Lynch, US Bancorp, Capitol One, SunTrust, Regions Financial, BB & T, Mellon, KeyCorp, Comerica, State Street, Marshall & Ilsley, Northern Trust, Zions Bank, Huntington Bancshares, AIG, Popular, Sterling Financial, Umpqua, and Washington Federal are all offering Americans the new guaranteed policy. Buy now. Send them your money.

Hereís how it works:

You give them all your hard-earned spare cash.

Then, they gamble with it. Roulette, horse racing, football games, prostitution at lavish hotels; it does not matter which. There is no need for the CEOs to gamble on the production of anything people can actually use. And it is impossible for them to lose. They make four dollars for every dollar invested in their gambling syndicate.

First, they make money, spending it as loans. They then pocket whatever is won, including interest. Second, they lose both the money gambled and all the proceeds while rewarding themselves with bonuses, the amounts of which arenít affected whether they win or lose.

You see, if they lose it all, the government (that is you, your assets and your childrenís futures) will issue them a welfare check to cover all losses resulting from gambling with the first, second and third times you gave them money to spend. The people, through their elected representatives, will give them the money to lose the fourth time.

This restarts the same business cycle. There is no "risk" to this management at all. They make more money by losing every time, because they are given hundreds of $billions in gifts so they can lose even more: eight, 12 and 16 times over.

Gambling on anything is the new policy, so you, too, can be rich.

This is the sort of trickle down Rush Limbaugh economics that proves voter intelligence.

The people of America continue to demonstrate how well informed and incredibly shrewd they truly are.

Richard Geffkin

Madison, Florida